Sunday, April 15, 2012

Time goes too quickly...

To my baby girl,

We are coming up on the date that marks your 11th month of life! I came across a picture today of me when I was 35 weeks blessed with your little self growing inside of me. That picture was taken a year ago today. When I saw that picture today my heart literally hurt thinking of how fast the time has flown by. That picture made me realize that we are only 5 weeks short of your big first birthday! (well, one day shy of 5 weeks thanks to your "day-early" arrival!)

I never really imagined I'd be the kind of Mom who would be SO emotional about her baby's first birthday . But it seems I am! I have found myself crying at the idea of having a ONE YEAR OLD! Don't get me wrong, I LOVE watching you grow!! You amaze me everyday with what you are learning. You are an absolute joy to be around and you are becoming more and more FUN! You are still my little baby in so many ways and for that I am thankful. But I also see the little girl you are becoming, I see the best friend I have been longing for. Watching you grow into a healthy happy little girl is such a blessing. But my emotional Mommy heart is sad in a way too, because I am seeing how insanely fast this is all really going. When you were first born and even before that, people (other parents) always said "enjoy it, it goes so fast." and I would politely smile and say "of course" while thinking "obviously I'm going to enjoy it! If one more person says that to me I'll..." but they all knew something I didn't yet know. They had experienced this fast-forward motion that I am just know understanding. And they tried to warn me, they tried to make me understand with those simple words "enjoy it, it goes so quickly" but words cannot really make you understand. But I see it now, I feel it- that fast forward feeling- and I'd give anything to slow it down, to keep you my BABY for just a bit longer. However, even though your growing and changing and the time is racing by, there is one thing I AM doing- enjoying it, enjoying YOU.

Some things in particular that I am enjoying about you right now:

*the way you grab my face when we're playing to try and bite my nose.
*how you are becoming more brave in your cruising around the house, moving cautiously from one object to another, slowly letting go.
*the way you pucker your lower lip, make big deep breaths and let out big real tears when I have to say "no!"
*the way sometimes when I say "no" and accompany it with a head shake you get the biggest, cutest smile and start shaking your head too.
*that you still don't have any teeth.
* that you let me play with your hair, put bows and clips, headbands and hats on you, and you leave them there!
* the smile I get when I get home from work (sometimes tears too, but both let me know you really missed me and just want to be. in. my. arms. now!
* that you are still nursing. I am so proud of how far we have come. It certainly wasn't easy at first, and keeping it up while I am at work is not fun. But oh is it worth it. I love knowing that You need ME and I also love that it allows TIME for us to just BE together- quietly, relaxingly-close. It really is so bonding.
*how we laugh together now. Really laugh, full on belly laughs that leave my heart smiling too.

Oh, I could go on and on and on. But we'll leave it at that for now.

Back in the beginning of my pregnancy, in October of 2010, I came across a Mommy Blog for the first time and quickly started seeing many more of them. They inspired me to start my own, and so this little space of the Internet came to be. I made it for you, for us. For some reason I do not have many memories of my childhood, the ones that I do have are from pictures, home videos or stories that have been told and retold. This is why I wanted to start documenting your life, our life. I want there to be something you can always look back on. I want to look back at it with you. I have not done the best job here. I have not put it to use the way I intended. I am sorry, my girl, but I am going to make much more of an effort starting now. For you, for us.

I love you- my sweet baby girl.



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